# 1 in the Occasional Series "French Impressions"
French Cars, Parking, Driving and Roads – Not in any particular order, and please note, all opinons are personal and backed up by no research whatsoever
The French tend to drive French cars, and the odd Italian or German one can be glimpsed, such as a Fiat or Alfa Romeo, an Audi or Mercedes. I have yet to see a single ute, and in fact, have never seen a ute in Europe. Four wheel drives are occasionally seen and not held in any particular regard as they are not easy to park in 12th Century cities. Work vehicles are for work and would never be driven as a 'proper' driver's car; these include vans, tractors, lorries. No utes.
Australian television ads warn us that the ‘European Model’ has been shown in their latest production. European models are much more glamorous and flash than the ones seen in Australia, and a fast, sexy two door coupe appears to be the car of choice for the average man. No utes. However, both sexes are more than happy to bomb around in a car the size of a pumpkin and park it in the middle of the road. No car can truly call itself worldly without an appropriate selection of scrapes and bumps around all four wings and preferably a ding in the driver’s door. The appropriate colours for cars EXCLUDE day-glo lime, metallic purple, vomit yellow or fluorescent orange.
Parking takes place pretty much anywhere there is a park-able space, including and especially on zebra crossings, and preferably facing in the wrong direction for traffic flow. Neat, kerb side parking is irrelevant as any angle will do, including ninety degrees. Double parking is a strong option at busy times of the day, as is blocking in any other car that happened to get to a spot first. Car bumpers are useful accessories cleverly designed to allow drivers to practice dodgem car methods to force their way into highly unsuitable spaces.
The French speed limit on motorways is 130km per hour, and, of course, is just a suggestion. Cars can go at 200km, so why not? I have NEVER seen a speed camera, a police car lying in wait to trap drivers, posters with threats of speeding fines, a police car on the motorway, a driver pulled over. I have seen NO RBTs and never any mention of any, anywhere. Talking on a mobile phone is a basic human right and I have NEVER seen any mention of any fine for this, ever. In fact, talking on a mobile whilst smoking and travelling at the speed of sound or parking on zebras is a compulsory activity, and probably taught to all learner drivers (see photo). Indicators are seen as irrelevant accessories placed close to a steering wheel, the occasional use of which is optional. Using indicators whilst negotiating roundabouts, turning corners, overtaking or parking on zebras is for sissies.
French roads are superb. The motorways here are things of marvel, smooth, long, flat, in peak condition and ideal for travelling along at speed. Furthermore, they wind through stunning countryside of interest, variety and appeal. Goods tend to travel by train, so the view of the countryside is uninterrupted by road trains or – worse – campervans. It is a pleasure to drive on the motorways, so long as you know where you’re going, as navigation here requires precise and detailed knowledge of how to achieve your ultimate destination, since helpful road signs are for sissies or – worse – tourists.
I am gradually getting the hang of it. The wrong side of the road seems, well, right now. I have learned to use my indicator as a handbag hanger. My mobile sits in the little pocket on the dash ready to be answered. Screaming along at 160km is strangely addicitve. My parking skills are improving daily and I can comfortably park in the wrong direction on the opposite side of the road. I have yet, unhappily, to master parking on a zebra, facing the wrong way, blocking the traffic and a goods entrance, whilst talking on a mobile, smoking a fag and stroking a lap dog. But all good things take time, and I’m sure my patience shall be rewarded…..
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